Biography
Despite being born as the son of the Baronet of Staines, Oliver has shown pure dedication to the causes he has followed. At Eton, he campaigned for the introduction of a potato shapes dispenser as he felt the food was elitist. At Cambridge, while obtaining his first in PPE, he found time to fight on behalf of those who had access to their satellite dish outrageously taken away from them by the courts. After graduation ( and until he takes a seat on the board of his fathers estate) he has continued to fight for all those persecuted by those in power. Before being involved in Occupied, he could be found in Burford, tackling the capitalists who were barring free access to the river crossing by oppressed minority of Ferrari drivers. Since being at Occupy Oliver has shown himself to be adept at tackling the media, his cry of ‘Oi, Narrfff Orffff’ being one of the distinctive sounds near St. Pauls.
Speech Transcript
‘ We are now threatened by an enemy, the likes of which we have never encountered before.
Tourists threaten us from the Embankment, the police encircle us, and most dangerously, the clergy threaten us from the steps, their eyes boring into us like our favourite auntie when she wants a cup of tea.
But we, Occupy, continue to fight. The number of tents, both empty and full, bears testament to our courage (at least during day time). The enemy has been hurled back beyond the barricades of empty coffee cups and burger wrappers.
But we cannot consider this a victory, the bankers still bank, the politicians still act.
Our enemies underrate us. This will be a protracted trial of boredom. We must be ready to give our alcohol, our estates and our knowledge of feng shui-ing the location of the toilets to fight this fight.
Many of our comrades have been forced to leave by the cruel lack of basics; outdoor heaters, hot water and warm beds. Many of our tents are empty as our supporters’ work, with supreme effort, to rise above their apathy. The London Stock Exchange itself is in enemy hands.
We are told that the clergy has a plan for the complete destruction of our group.
But I have full confidence, that, if we eat all our muesli, we shall prove ourselves, once more, able to protect this land that we have little right to be on.
We shall defend to the death (or at least until it gets dark) our camp. We shall go on to the end.
We shall fight in the coffee shops (after we have tipped the server). We shall fight in the Thames (Please be careful in the water, it does contain disease). We shall fight with growing confidence and good hair. We shall defend our camp as long as it is not too scary. We shall fight on the pavements as we idly stand. We shall fight for our burgers, and our mobile ‘phones.
We shall never surrender.
And if we, which I can never believe we will, go home. Our friends, in stinking bedrooms throughout the land will continue our struggle, tweeting, poking and blogging until victory is ours. ‘
After Oliver’s speech, the crowd was rapturous, with at least two people clapping their cider cans onto the ground. The police stood a little straighter and the clergy recalled a time when the churches were packed. A few of the older protesters recalled a time when they understood. Oliver knew he had done well. He may even get together with Octavia later, which if he is honest was the real point of the protest for him anyway. (He thinks he will go to a hotel in case the i-r cameras are around and he gets lucky.)
(- With apologies to a great man who really did change the world for the better.)
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